By Tony Deyal
This year, 2024, is the Chinese Year of the Dragon and many of us are hoping that, unlike other mythical fire-breathing animals, it won’t drag on and on. For most people, the old year ended on December 21, 2023. At midnight, we welcomed the New Year, January 1, 2024, with a lot of fireworks, parties, and special national events including bell ringing in Japan, wearing special underwear in Brazil, and ball dropping in New York City’s Times Square. The Year of the Dragon, or Lunar New Year 2024, was last Saturday, February 10, and was greeted with hope, joy and anticipation. What both had in common was not just Bangkok but horoscopes that can also become horror scopes if you can’t cope or have the right kind of scope.
The key to it all is astrology. One person who went to the hospital claiming that he was obsessed with astrology was asked by the doctor, “What are the signs?” These are, however, different from astronomy in that astronomers base their studies on research and observation, while astrologers believe that the positioning of the stars and planets affect the way events occur on Earth. In other words, astronomers see stars, while astrologers just see dollar signs.
Astrologers keep tabs on the celestial bodies and work out their influence on what we do or don’t do. They give us valuable information about the lives of individuals as well as trends to watch out for. These are “horror-scopes” very much like Caribbean politicians. In other words, they’re always telling everyone else what to do and they’re almost always wrong. The “horoscopes” that millions of people follow in the newspapers predict how all of us, in each of the 12 zodiac signs, can be affected by things coming our way. However, not everyone believes in its worth. One unconvinced expert saw it as a waste of time and money “Because millions of starts and planets have spent billions of years lining themselves up just to let some woman know that ‘she’ll meet someone with nice eyes today.’”
Actually, for those of us who buy newspapers and magazines to read astrology, the question is really, “If there are over 400 million people for each of the 12 signs of the zodiac, do you think that despite where they live, the language they speak, their age, sex and jobs, they will all have the same kind of day?”
Well, one way is what the newspapers and their experts do now. They make sure that the predictions are so vague that they can be applied to situations in almost everyone’s life. There is also another major consideration by the experts, “Why is it that the moment of birth instead of the moment of conception is the basis for calculating a horoscope?” They argue that when astrology was first set up thousands of years ago the moment of birth was seen as “magical” and the birth of the baby was the start of a new day in a new world. However, the experts are now convinced that birth is the culmination of roughly nine months of complex, intricately orchestrated development inside the womb and many aspects of a child’s personality are set then, and not when they’re born.
While I understand the concerns, I play both sides. I read the daily horoscopes where I am a “Leo” (born on August 10, 1945) and I follow the Chinese zodiac where I was born in their year of the Rooster or “mail domestic cock.” Additionally, based on the five elements of the Chinese, I am a Wood Rooster. In a way, this is very close to my being a “Leo” who, as one astrologist claimed, “are natural-born leaders, especially in the bedroom.”
However, while this ability does not count for much with the Chinese, being a Rooster in the Year of the Dragon means that exciting times await me. According to one of the readings, “The Rooster and the Dragon share a great connection, promising many opportunities, especially money and career.” In fact, I can relax and redirect my focus towards other aspects of life including investing in real estate, luxury cars or even jewellery and even a taste of the high life.
One thing about Chinese astrologers is that they know how to make us feel good. Under ‘leadership and accomplishment’ the Rooster’s “remarkable agility and problem-solving abilities will shine. You’ll excel as a natural leader, wholeheartedly pursuing numerous ambitions. Communication skills and teamwork will be enhanced leading to remarkable growth and accomplishment.” Interestingly, I got all this for free. I didn’t even have to buy a single newspaper.
The Leo Horoscope 2024 says “I will embark on a transformative journey of change and self-discovery.” It adds, “Dear Leos, welcome to 2024, a year that heralds momentous transformations and inspiring new beginnings for you. Be ready to say hello to challenging opportunities that will make you push your boundaries. Love, career, finance, health- everything will see a ripple of change…You love life this year, Leos, promising exciting times ahead.” Well, I stopped there because – I know if my wife see’s it – I would lose my head before the love life happened. This is why, despite saying that I am generous, loyal, energetic and enthusiastic (as well as arrogant, careless and complacent) it adds, “The roaring lions should give top priority to their health in 2024.”
This is where I started to think through what, if anything, we gain or learn from the scopes even if we’re just scoping them and not spending too much of our money seeking answers that have no real questions. For many people, horoscopes add an element of entertainment and engagement and it does not cost extra. From early on, my mom got the horoscope and I got the Phantom, Dick Tracy, Tarzan, Lone Ranger, Flash Gordon and Superman. It is also why I take the horoscopes with more than a grain of salt. In fact, I add a little pepper.
So, why did Leo, in addition to doing a column on horrer- scopes, bring a ladder to the party? Because he wanted to climb to new heights. What do you call a mischievous Taurus? A bull-dozer!
Actually, some folks say that astrology is just a load of bull, but I think it’s a bunch of Sagittarius. There is the story of the doctor who asked his patient, “What’s your zodiac sign?” The man replied, “I’m a cancer. Why?” The doctor responded, “Oh, what a coincidence!”
Another doctor told his patient, “I’ve got bad news. Mercury is in Uranus.” The patient replied, “Doctor. I really didn’t think of you being into that astrology stuff.” The doctor stated flatly, “I’m not. My thermometer just broke.”
Actually, with a joke like that, I am like the astrologer who died in a fire. He became an ash-trologer and caught his ash for the rest of his life.
*Tony Deyal was last seen saying that when he does not agree with the Chinese Zodiac, he switches to being a Leo in the local newspapers.
