By Tony Deyal
Three weeks before Christmas, and already my family and friends are getting ready for what I will give them and, as important, what I will write for each of the weeks before Thursday, December 25, 2025. This is what the Wikipedia says is an “annual festival commemorating the birth of Jesus Christ.” As far as my readers are concerned, they don’t want to come or go, rating or memo rating.
They want a mix so they can learn and laugh at the same time. I suppose I can go for the men and women who are humorous and supportive in and about Christmas. For instance, this old man, me, at 80+, will start with Henny Youngman, the comedian, who makes it clear, “I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.” Lucky for him. If I try this, my wife will deal with me that even Henny will first say, “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret” and then adds, “Take my wife…please!” However, Henny advice is that if you can’t get rid of your wife, make sure that if you’re going to do something tonight and you will be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.” Or, if you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
According to the experts, humorous and supportive people during Christmas tend to embody the spirit of shared joy and light-heartedness. For example, you can try embracing the absurdity with, “My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.” There are others like embracing the absurdity, ugly sweater which come at you with, “Christmas is a race to see which give our first- your money or your feet,” – “The best way to spread to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear,”; and the one I always end up with, “There are three stages of many; he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.”
There are some I accept, like, “For Xmas I got you mental arithmetic. It’s the thought that counts.” – “Twas the night before Xmas and everyone was feeling merry. Merry got so disgusted, she went home.” Then there was the wife who got knickers for Xmas, “The front said, ‘I will do anything for love’ and on the rear it makes it clear: “But I won’t do that.” Then the humour, “My friend told me that he’s buying me a goat for Xmas. I make it clear, you’re kidding me!” The one that got to me, given my age especially, is the grandmother who at over 80, still doesn’t need glasses. On Christmas, she was drinking straight out of the bottle.
Fortunately for me, I stayed far out and away from Grandma and, instead, I became a fan of the great Winston Churchill, prime minister of United Kingdom. In those days, we were part of his “colony” in which my family worked in the cane-fields, and where I was born, it seemed that three years before I was born, 1941, Churchill spoke about making Christmas a time of children’s happiness and peace, even amid the war. He said, “Here, then, for one night only, each home throughout the English-speaking world should be a brightly lit island of happiness and peace.”
He concluded with “And so, in God’s mercy, a happy Christmas to you all.” My mother, who was a reader, and I was her only son, as well as one of our neighbours who taught me to be a reader when I was three years old, believed in Churchill, and I, too, became one of his fans. I heard his wit and liked it, but was not ready to understand it properly. What I enjoyed from him were, “I am always ready to learn, but I do not always like being taught.” “Success is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm,” and the one I never forget, “The great lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.”
I remember his comment on Santa, “Santa Claus is a symbol of the Christmas spirit: a fat, red-suited man who brings joy to the world without needing a single speech. Though I doubt he could get by with such a modest campaign if he were running for office.” From my early days, I had my own response, “Yes Mom. He right. Even I could beat Santa Claus if he trying to run from our house.”
Churchill had a keen sense of humour, and on holiday stress, he pointed out the problem, “The real challenge of Christmas isn’t the war outside, but the battle for control of the television remote. In that, we may have met our match.” On gift-giving, he said, “The most memorable gifts are those that require the least assembly and are made of something other than wrapping paper. It’s the thought that counts, and a nice bottle of brandy is a thought well-expressed.”
So, while he is having his bottle, let’s move on an end with Rodney Dangerfield, the great American stand-up comedian known for his self-deprecating one-liner humour and his catchphrase “I don’t get no respect, no respect.” More, he is really tailored for the holiday season, especially Christmas. As he said, “I was so poor growing up, if I hadn’t been a boy I’d have nothing to play with on Christmas Day.”
Then he came up with, “Last Christmas my kid wanted a BB gun. I gave him my BB gun, he gave me a sweatshirt with a bullseye in the back.” Then in his “The Night Before Christmas” his first line was, “Twas the night before Christmas, Believe me, I checked. Like ever year prior, I’d get no respect.” He came up with, “As Christmas time we couldn’t afford tinsel, so we’d wait till grandpa sneezed,” – “I was so lonely as a kid I used to go to the drive-in and do push-ups in the backseat.” – “One girl told me, “Come on over. There’s nobody home.” I went over. There was nobody home!” – I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys for Christmas was a toaster and a radio.”
To end with Rodney Dangerfield, we must know that he said, “When I was born, I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.” Then he said about his wife, “She, my wife, and I were happy for 20 years. The way we met.” It was worse then. As he said, “My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was!” This is why, in his last Christmas joke and best “no respect,” he said, “My wife asked me that for Christmas Day, he wanted him to take her somewhere she had never been. He took her to the kitchen.”
*Tony Deyal ended with a final Rodney Dangerfield that he could not share with his friend’s wives at Christmas, “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I don’t want to interrupt her.”
