By Tony Deyal
On Mother’s Day, while the children got up very early and worked hard on a fancy breakfast for their mom, I used to either watch cricket, which always takes place at this time of the year, or tell corny jokes. One year I went with, “What did big Mamma tell the other Mom?”
As usual, my two children were too busy to answer, or even think about me. I explained: “Well Mom asked Mamma, ‘How do you get your sleepy-head son to jump off the bed and ready for school in the morning?’ and Mamma said: ‘I put the cat on the bed’. Mom was puzzled, ‘I don’t understand how that helps’. And Mamma, with a big laugh told her, ‘Well the dog was already on the bed.’” That failed miserably and almost as totally as “What does ‘minimum’ mean?” Again, no response. My, “Ha, ha, ha! A small mother” was ignored but at least they shook their heads from side to side in despair. This gave me a punch line to salvage my honour, “At least I gave you some exercise. This way you wouldn’t need a neck brace when you reach my age.”
Last Sunday, on Mother’s Day, I started thinking about the many years my mother lived or spent time with us in the Caribbean countries that were our homes. While she was “Grandma” to our children, I thought of the things she used to say to them and what other “grannys” throughout the region still tell theirs. Dionee Baptiste of LOOP came up with some that are classic. In Guyana, their mom’s homeland, there is, “All cassava get same skin but all nah taste same way” (Regardless of how much we have in common, we are all different). In my birthplace, Trinidad, “What sweet in goat mouth does sour in he bam-bam.” (You might rush down a meal because of its fantastic taste but you will pay for it later.)
In Belize it was, “Bad thing neva got owner.” This was true wherever we lived. When any of the children did something wrong, they blamed their brother or sister. From their birthplace, Barbados, there is, “Better fish in di sea dan wha get ketch” or, instead of giving in to the first response that comes to your mind, know that there is always at least one better option. And, of course, there’s this one from Jamaica, “Haad ears pickny nyam rockstone” (Disobedient children very often learn the hard way).
From Antigua, our last home before we returned to Trinidad, came my favourite, “Moon run faas but day ketch im.” (You can’t run forever because inevitably the day will come when you will have to face the consequences of your actions). Or, as the Bajans say, “You can do as you like, but not as long as you like.” In my case, the day will come when my jokes catch up with me and nobody else.
Talking about the day, my Mom loved one of my observations about Trinis. When asked, “How are things with you?”, Trinis don’t say, “Well everything is going to be all right”. Instead, they reply, “Ah day.” One Englishman, my father’s boss in the canefield, was angry, “I did not ask you how long you have been standing here, I asked you how you were!” In those days, with only a kerosene lamp surrounded by long, scary shadows, the slightest noise caused me to run and hide behind my mom while my father shouted, “Who day? Who dat day?” Or, when someone could not be found, the question was, “Way he day?” and the answer generally was, “He day day” or worse, “He day day day.”
As I explained in a previous column, that word ‘day’ can refer to a point near to you as “Ah day right here,” or instead, ‘He just day’. If he is further away, you can explain, ‘He over day.” This is different from, “He right over here.” “He day day” means that he is relatively near, and “He day day day” tells you that he is still within sight, but barely. Complicating matters is that the homophone “dey” can also mean ‘they’ or ‘them’. The phrase, ‘Dey day day day’, can help you to locate a group of people on any given day or go into a daze for days. Worse, twenty-four hours might not make a day in Trinidad. It is the name given to little chameleons which we believe can jump on us and suck our blood while clinging to us for an entire day.
As we went through Mother’s Day, I held on to my belief that wherever my mother’s day she will make her presence felt. Her grandchildren (my children) go way above making their presence felt (or some other ‘cheap’ cloth). Like Usain Bolt or Elaine Thompson they pound leather (shoes and handbags) and go for the gold (jewellery). This led me to wonder why Mother’s Day is such a major event compared with Father’s Day. While US$7 billion was spent on their fathers, Americans spent US$11 billion on their mothers.
The experts say this happens because fathers are usually absent and are definitely not around as much as mothers. In fact, Valentine’s Day comes in second, and Father’s Day third in the spending war. A major reason is that fathers like lots of good food, but not barbecues which they hate to cook. They also like taking in a ball game, a beer or two with friends, or some scotch in a bar while watching a game. However, if they are forced to stay home they expect to be allowed to watch whatever they want on TV.
It would be good for all fathers to hang out with their families this year. If this happens and your father is actually at home, here are a few jokes you can try out on him before he heads out to join his friends. “Daddy, what has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.” “Daddy, when is a door not a door? When it is ajar.” “Daddy, why did the belt go to jail? It held up a pair of pants.” And the one I like most, “Daddy, what did the accountant say while auditing a document? This is taxing.”
My friends, I’ve taxed you enough. It’s time to pack it up. However, before I go I hope you like this change of pace and you will support my request that on Sunday, June 18, 2023 you will grab your father by his heart and not his money. That will please him and make him blush at the same time and then you can ask, “Dad. What did one toilet say to the other toilet?” Without waiting, you laugh loudly and boast, “I got you this time Dad. You look flushed.” Then you hug him.
*Tony Deyal was last seen repeating that by the time a man realizes his mother was almost always right, he usually has a daughter who thinks he’s wrong.
