By Tony Deyal
The Book of Life begins with a man and a woman in a garden. It ends with Revelations. As I grow older, my book of life is filled with revelations that are endless. When I was a little boy, we had men, women and Owen. He was a male dancer who, in the little back room of a shack next to us, was visited only by men. He was part of the group of village women who exchanged gossip, and he was the star of their daily show, regaling them with his exploits of the night before. Of course, our mothers chased us away to “go and play” or “the barrel empty, go an’ full some water by the stand pipe.”
While the men referred to Owen as a “buller”, my mind initially had no picture of the word except a “bulldozer” that prepared the cane-fields, or my uncle on his “bull”-cart. We eventually caught the drift and that remained for most of our young lives the third estate. Then there was a fourth estate about women preferring other women to men. “She making ‘zami’ with Barbara,” we heard and I initially thought they were knitting something since this was a post-war pastime of many of the ladies in our community.
For many, many years this was our sexual “thrillogy” which we described in extreme and, many times, incorrect detail. While for some older people sex was one damp thing after another, as teenagers we were all for it. We made up for the lack of partners like the comedian who, when asked whether he had opened or closed his eyes during his first sexual experience, replied, “Closed of course. There was nobody else to see.” Our village people were better than Eve in at least one respect. When a West Indian woman complained that her husband was interested in hoes, we all knew it had nothing to do with gardening or with a snake for a husband, Eden.
These are different days far gone from the Biblical times of Revelation when blessed was the one who stayed awake and remained clothed so as not to go naked and be shamefully exposed. It is true that the men of our post-war growing up days were “buy sexuals” in the brothels in the city but the term “bi-sexual” was unknown then. There were some who were accused of “liking man or woman, or even both ah dem” but those were referred to with a kind of hush. And for us who went through such agony and impatience as “try sexuals”, there are people who go beyond “bi” to “tri”. While our pleasure when growing up was to sit at the top of the mango tree talking sex, and even hoping for a sight of a lady in her outside bathroom, there are now people who are part of the supposedly “elite” Mile-High Club who are Fly-sexuals- meaning they have sex while high in the sky.
In fact, a company in Nevada, US is offering those “seeking airborne sexual escapades” to have a 45-minute “romp”, with rump or any other parts included, in a twin-engined Cessna as it flies over Las Vegas. The “trip” (for such it is) costs US$995 for a 45-minute romp. However, if you and your lady or male friend (or both) can go for 90 minutes, the sexcapade costs US$1,495 and, according to those who have done it, is worth a fly in the sky.
In addition to “fly-sexuals”, there are “cry-sexuals”. Women’s Health Magazine quotes family therapist, Rachel Wright, “While it may not be your favourite way to engage in sex, crying is totally normal” And I suppose, Wright. The article stresses that “It’s possible to be crying and enjoying it at the same time” because though crying is typically perceived as a sign of sadness, in reality it’s your body saying “too much” of any emotion, be it joy, fear, happiness or pain (or all of the above simultaneously). If you think that tears it, check but not try what is known as “dry-sex” or having sexual intercourse without vaginal lubrication as it can be very painful for both or whatever number of parties. In researching the different variations, I did not really want to go there as it is literally far-fetched. It is common in Sub-Saharan Africa and a small area in Suriname.
As one of the earliest readers of the Spy Smasher serials and James Bond books, I was not so much surprised as comfortable with “Sexpionage” or the involvement (or possibility) of sexual activity, intimacy, romance or seduction to conduct espionage. Our little bits of spying through the door knobs or bathrooms are not even close to the reality of what men or women will do on behalf of their countries. They are professionals, trained to steal secrets for an intelligence organisation. During the “Cold” war some hot female agents called “Mozhno girls” or “Moshnos” were used by the Russian KGB to spy on foreign officials by seducing them. Clearly that has not stopped.
Donald Trump is supposed to have been bathed in urine while enjoying the hospitality of the Russian leader who lived up to his name, Putin. Interestingly, about three weeks ago a viral video of Trump saying: “We have to keep our country gay” received more than 1 million views on Twitter. He claimed that he was trying to say, “Keep America Great.” Members of the LGBTQ applauded loudly.
If you are not sure about what group you belong to, here are some you might wish to consider. There are “Alloromantics” or people who are romantically attracted towards others. “Allosexuals” who are like “Alloromantics” but want to have sex with a partner and may identify with another sexuality as being gay, lesbian or bi-sexual. “Androsexuals” are attracted to men regardless. Then there are people who have no romantic attraction to anyone and are “Aromantic”. If you’re “Asexual” you can be sex-averse, sex-favourable, sex-indifferent or sex-repulsed. In other words, it is a blanket term for sexuality. The list ends with “Spectrasexual” or those who are romantically and sexually attracted to multiple sexes, genders and gender identities but not all of them. Whew!
When I read the entire list of different types and options, I thought of my youth and subsequent life of up to a few years ago when our sexual choices were clear and very limited. I remember one of my colleagues at a health conference complaining that the problems we were experiencing globally were caused by our having too much “gender” and not enough “sex”. Then I dropped on him a few of the sexes and sexualities like hetro, metro, gamblers in “bet-row”, Trinis in “fete’ row”, Trump in “wet-row”, people in Las-Vegas in “jet row”, men and women hiding from mosquitoes in “net-row”, and an increasing number in “Roe and Wade” who are not supporting Trump and his Republicans. That did it but I still added, “Fortunately for me, I have reached the age in life where I am like a dog chasing a car. If I catch it, I can’t drive it!”
*Tony Deyal was last seen recalling the woman whose doctor asked her about her night vision and if she had a tough time finding her husband in the dark. “No,” she replied, “it isn’t hard.”
