By Tony Deyal
An English Professor wrote on the black-board “woman without her man is nothing” and told his students to punctuate it. The males in the class wrote “Woman, without her man, is nothing.” The females wrote “Woman! Without her, man is nothing.” I thought of this when I found out that six days ago, on November 19, about 60 countries celebrated International Men’s Day.
Even as interesting as it was, especially as the brainchild of the Trinidad and Caribbean Historian, Dr Jerome Teelucksingh, I knew there was an International Women’s Day that had come several years before. I made the mistake of asking one of my female friends, “Do you know that in addition to a day for you and other women there is now a day for men?” She replied, “But isn’t that every day of the year?” Then I found out that women do not see the Men’s Day the same way they consider their own. One told me, “Tony, if a woman believes in equal rights for men and women, she is seen as a feminist.” Another laughed, “Tony, when God created men he promised women that there will be good men in every corner of the Earth. Then he made the Earth round.”
There was more to come. “God greeted man first because he needed a rough working model before putting together the perfect specimen of the species.” ; “God took only one rib from men to create women because he knew if he took a second rib, humanity would die out.” ; “Men who think that the right place for a woman is in the kitchen should always remember that is where all the knives are kept.”; and, “It was once believed that marrying an older man was the wise thing to do as they mature late. Unfortunately, we eventually found out that men don’t mature at all.” The toughest one, aimed directly at me, was, “Listen Tony, an ideal man is someone who goes home on time, doesn’t flirt, doesn’t drink, doesn’t hurt anyone.” I replied, “Aha. That sounds like me!” The reply was, “Tony, as far as I know, such a man doesn’t exist.” She added, “And that includes you.”
It is true that men don’t see it from the same perspective. They, too, are not clear on what makes a real man. Philip Tanzer, a Men’s rights activist from Germany, identified three things that make you a man- building a house, planting a tree, and becoming a father. Like many others, I’ve shown my skills at the third but have not done as well with one and two. It makes what another lady said hit home really hard, “It is kind of strange that women often call men either pigs or dogs. Do you think it is because pigs are cute and dogs are loyal? A very Happy International Men’s Day to all you men!”
I tried to see what a “good” man would be as distinct from what we learnt early in life: “A good man is hard to find but a hard man is even harder.” One of the posters on International Men’s Day was dedicated, “To the men who are not afraid to be vulnerable, the men who support women in their lives, the men who fight discrimination, the men who are allies, we honour and love you.” For me, especially because of my two daughters, I believe that the support of women is the most important of all. What I also consider important is something I have told my sons in my own way.
First, from Marcus Aurelius (the Roman Emperor), “Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one.” The other by Abraham Lincoln, “No man stands so tall as when he stoops to help a child.” And the most important, which I learnt the hardest way possible, “A real man loves his wife and places his family as the most important thing in life. Nothing has brought me more peace and content in life than simply being a good husband and father.”
Thinking about it though, and looking at the bigger picture, I had to ask myself why not a “People’s” Day and not one for women and another for men? What is the difference between the two? I found a lot. There are some simple ones. Unlike men, if a woman says “Sniff this” it is generally something that smells nice. When men insult each other, they don’t really mean it. It is the same as when women compliment each other. They don’t really mean it either. When men go shopping, they know what they want but have no idea where it is. When women go shopping, they have no clue what they want, but know exactly where it is. A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
On the other hand, men claim that the first thing they notice about a woman is her eyes. Women say the first thing they notice about men is that they are a bunch of liars. Seventy-five percent of men kiss their wives goodbye when they leave the house. Ninety percent percent kiss their house goodbye when they leave their wives. What’s the difference between a man’s wife and his girlfriend? 60 pounds. What’s the difference between a woman’s husband and her boyfriend? 60 minutes. Actually, one thing both men and women have in common is that they both distrust men. On the other hand, women tend to think outside the box and men just want to be inside the box.
There are two that I like but for different reasons. The first can be about most men. One said to his wife, “Hey, guess what? This article says that women use twice as many words as men during a single day. I always told you that women talk more than men.” She replied, “There’s a good reason for that. Whatever we say to a man we have to repeat at least once.” The man looked up and asked her, “What?” Fortunately, he knew what’s what and did not ask again.
The second is; if you hear that women really make less money than men, it’s true. Totally true. It is because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Wheras women choose the lower paying jobs – like woman doctor and woman lawyer.
*Tony Deyal was last seen quoting the British statesman and former prime minister, Stanley Baldwin: “I would rather trust a woman’s instinct than a man’s reason.”
