By Tony Deyal
International Joke Day was Monday, July 1, 2024. I had planned to post an article with a background and lots of jokes for my readers. However, given what hurricane Beryl was doing to so many of our countries and people in the region, I decided to reach out to the Almighty on behalf of all the people at risk. In fact, what I found really funny was that although Joke Day was Monday gone, World Laughter Day is yet to come and will not be until May 5, 2024. In essence, or whatever sense that is, you can make your joke but can’t laugh at it for five months and three days. I thought that my readers couldn’t wait that long, and we all need to relax a little before the next hurricane comes. So, this is for you, my friends.
The research shows that while International Joke Day is supposed to have started in the United States (US), jokes have been with us from time immemorial, or at least since Adam and Eve were around. The oldest computer was there at the same time. It was an apple with extremely limited memory. Just one byte. And then everything crashed. On their first date, they shared a side of ribs and then Eve became the first carpenter. She made Adam’s banana stand. In any case, as my priest told me, God created man before woman because he didn’t want any advice. They also didn’t have a date together. They had an apple.
It is said that the first official Joke was in Greece and was, “Asked by the court barber how he wanted his hair cut, the king replied: ‘In silence’.” This one from 63 B.C. was, “The Emperor Augustus was touring the Empire, when he noticed a man in the crowd who had a striking resemblance to himself. Intrigued, he asked: ‘Was your mother at one time in service at the Palace?’ The man replied, ‘No, your highness. But my father was.’’’ One from 429 BC in Ancient Greece was a joke that was also a riddle by the playwright Sophocles, “What animal walks on four feet in the morning, two at noon and three at evening?” The answer was, “Man. He goes on all fours as a baby, on two feet as a man, and uses a cane in old age.” In the 10th Century the Anglo-Saxon Brits came up with, “What hangs at a man’s thigh and wants to poke the hole that it’s often poked before?” The answer was, “A key.”
Other countries got into the act. The French, “A man told the lawyer, ‘Sir, you’re a high-priced barrister! If I give you 500 dollars, will you answer two questions?’ The reply was, ‘Absolutely! What’s the second question?’” From Belgium, “Well, you see, there are basically three kinds of people in the world: those who can count and those that can’t.” A Swede called the local hospital and shouted, “Help! Help! My wife’s in labour!” The nurse replied, “Calm down. Is this her first child?” The man shouted, “No! This is her husband!” The Canadians (where I went to university for a while) told me that driving in winter is better because all the potholes are filled in with snow, and-40C is just a little chilly.
My favourite is when a Chinese man was walking through a mall in the US with his American friend and said, “Seeing all those flags make me proud of my country.” The American replied, “But Chan, you’re Chinese! All these flags are about our country, America.” Chan laughed and said, “No, they’re not. Just take a look at those labels!”
It is true that laughter can benefit all of us because when we laugh we take in oxygen-rich air which stimulates the heart, lungs and muscles. It also helps to release the endorphins that elevate your mood. Laughter also relieves stress and anxiety. It makes us more relaxed and soothes tension while it boosts immunity. As one comedian said: “ I asked the doctor the other day if I’d be able to play the piano once I got my stitches removed. ‘Yes,’ he told me, ‘I imagine that won’t be a problem.’ ‘Great,’ I said. ‘I’ve always wanted to play a musical instrument.’ Actually, we don’t laugh because we’re happy. We’re happy because we laugh or, as the comic actor, Charlie Chaplin, said: “A day without laughter is a day wasted.” And Bill Cosby explained: “Through humour, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers.
And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive.” Despite his being found liable for sexually assaulting a woman named Judy Huth when she was sixteen, Cosby is still around and, most likely, still making jokes. The one I like is Mark Twain who insisted, “The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter.” While one view is that “Laughter is carbonated soda”, and Woody Allen claimed that he is thankful for laughter “except when milk came out of his nose”, for me as a reader, writer and old-talker, laughter is by far the best medicine and here’s some more for you.
I will now share with you what many people think are the best jokes of all time. For example, “A man, shocked by how his friend is dressed, asked him, ‘How long have you been wearing that bra?’ The friend replied, ‘Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment.’” One that is everywhere is, “A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ‘Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!’ The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ‘The driver just insulted me!’ The man says: ‘You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.’” I like, “I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu.”
Another of my favourites was when a man went to the doctor and complained, “Doc, I can’t stop singing the ‘Green Green Grass of Home’.” The doctor replied: “That sounds like a Tom Jones song.” The man asked the doctor, “Is it common?” The doctor shook his head and said, “It’s not unusual.” The one considered the top joke is, “Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator says, “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence; then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
*Tony Deyal was last seen asking, “Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions?” I do (and not just at my wedding).
