By Tony Deyal
Earlier this week I found out about the “World Biggest Liar” competition in England. I immediately said it was in the wrong place with the wrong people. I remember one of my friends who lied about everything and his father, really upset, decided to teach him a lesson.
He told the boy, “I will give you a whole twenty-five cents if you could tell me a lie now, right now!” The boy looked at the father and with a big smile said, “Twenty-five cents? But Daddy, you just promise me a dollar!” Then there was a Trini who went to one of the “lying” competitions in San Fernando, Trinidad. He tried to get in through the gate for the performers and was refused entry. The gateman told him loudly, “We don’t want no professionals here!”
However, it is not Trinidad alone. I saw in National Geographic that, like Trinidad and twelve other countries, “Jamaica lies in the Caribbean Sea.” Even Barbados. But are we the worst? I know that in the Corruption Perceptions Index (CP) where “O” (zero) is “highly corrupt”, and 100 is “very clean”, Barbados, with a score of 69 out of 100, is 24th out of 180 countries. Jamaica is 44 out of 100 and Trinidad is 42, or closer to zero, than the others. But are these countries “allies” or “all lies”?
Actually, the only time a politician tells the truth is when he or she calls another politician a liar. Given that each country in the world has politicians “like Bush” as some Caribbean people say, or “like Trump” which is the highest or lowest anyone can go, the lies in the rest of the world make CARICOM look like a babe in arms with a finger in its mouth instead of a foot or two.
For example, Donald Trump claimed: “I won the popular vote if you deduct the millions of people who voted illegally.” However, there was no evidence at all that there was any significant voter fraud. Bill Clinton, the president in 1998, kept insisting, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” It turned out he was lying. They found his DNA in a stain on the dress of Monica Lewinsky. The worst of the US breed was Richard Nixon who set the record for presidential lies when he insisted that he played no role in Watergate. Worse, he went on television and declared, “I am not a crook.” Certain to be impeached, he resigned his second term in office on August 9, 1974.
If you think that the Americans were bad, think again. The Greeks came first with their “Trojan Horse” which would have beaten any Caribbean, or even American politician, going and coming. The “horse” was a Greek strategy. They were fighting a war against the Trojans and built a huge wooden horse in which they concealed their soldiers. They then offered the “animal” as a peace offering. Instead of running a mile from the Greeks, the Trojans carried the “horse” into their heavily protected, and totally locked in, “safe” city. It was more a “piece” offering than a “peace” offering because the Germans came out of the belly of the “horse” and won the war by cutting the Trojans into pieces.
There were many more that were not about war. Han van Meegeren, a Dutch artist, forged the paintings of the great artist, Johannes Vermeer, and said they were “rediscovered”. He was, fortunately, “uncovered”. Then, right here in Trinidad and the rest of the world, the Tobacco Industry denied the link between smoking and health issues. The deliberate misinformation prolonged suffering, cost lives and are still doing it. Just a week ago, they started a “vape” line with “no need to rush”. The government like an “ape” line hush. And, of course, there was what was known as “Nazi Propaganda”. This was lies and more lies perpetuated about Jews, minorities and others. It fuelled hatred and started the Holocaust.
Even though we hear “Liar, liar, pants on fire”, we are certain that no bottoms are really burnt and millions, or even trillions. of mouths are everywhere in the world telling lies every split second. An average person lies 1-2 times a day. 60 percent of people lie at least once in a 10-minute conversation. Men lie six times a day on average while women lie three times – 40 percent of people who are looking for jokes lie on their resumes. 90 percent of people lie on their online dating profiles or letters to friends – 80 percent of women admit to lying to their partners about their spending habits – 50 percent of teenagers admit to lying to their parents about their whereabouts. People are likely to lie over the phone than face-to-face. And politicians lie on the average once every five minutes (although a friend says that Caribbean politicians lie whenever they talk). What is scary is that 1-2 lies a day can reach as many as 730 lies a year or the daily breath of the politicians.
So why do we lie? Fear of punishment – 27percent. Protecting ourselves from harm- 24 percent. Avoiding embarrassment and shame- 20 percent. The ones I have met a lot in the Caribbean and in my days covering the parliament, lie out of habit, compulsion and, what we call, “just for so”. Who do we lie to? Friends – 80 percent; Romantic partners – 70 percent; Family members – 69 percent; Coworkers – 67 percent; and Acquaintances – 40 percent. And what kind of lies we tell and how many? Well first is the “white” lies. This has nothing to do with the people of that colour, or does it? Europeans did promise land and peace for the natives. Of course, the natives, like the Africans and Indians, didn’t get what they wanted. But what can you expect?
They were just “white” lies after all. The whites say that a “white lie” is telling someone that they are looking great even when they’re ugly like sin and dressed in shabby and sloppy clothes. The whites also have what they call a “black” lie”. For them it is a “simple and callous selfishness”. They also have “grey” lies that “held the characteristics of a real lie yet were still viewed as justifiable given the circumstance.” The whites also have a “blue” lie. It is what “police officers tell to protect others in the law enforcement community” and even a “red” lie for “spite and revenge.” Clearly when it comes to lies, better lie down. The whites have it.
I got into “who” or “which” party is lying because with elections coming up soon, the parties are ignoring the real issues or what they will do for us. We are like the politician who joined Liars Anonymous yesterday and by midnight was already president. In the Caribbean, whether it is the president, prime minister or leader of the opposition, when it comes to that we will have absolutely no opposition and win a first in less than a second.
*Tony Deyal was last seen saying that in the US presidential history, Washington could not tell a lie, Nixon could not tell the truth, and Trump cannot tell the difference.
