By Tony Deyal
I was just about one year old when my father gave one of his cousins a job and a place to stay with us in a typical home, upstairs for all of us, and downstairs to ensure that we were not being under the water! Most of the time we were ok, but my father wanted to build a “rum shop” including ‘goods’ for everyone in the village. Until then, as his young son, I stayed upstairs unless Mom was with me.
But, even as a little child, I made my own rights and speeds. My Father was allowing his cousin, my Uncle, to use his bicycle. My uncle was heading home at speed to go home and “lime” with his friends. On the other hand, I was trying to catch up with my Uncle to give me a little ride around the yard. I tried to reach him before he stopped. I looked down, shouting, “Ah coming, ah coming!” I was looking down and not bothering if I would fall, especially because there was nothing to protect anyone falling down. I hit the bottom and in addition to my leg and other places and damages, I had to stop school and go to the doctor every day for almost one year to be “treated”. As the Doctor said, “And if he lives, and tries again, he will get licks every night and day.”
If there was anything good about my year with the “Doctor” was that he felt sorry for me and gave me little children’s books to read while waiting and getting jokes by the “Doc” and others who were in the group. They were like everyone else throughout the country, especially the English.
For instance, “One day a student came into the office of a school nurse and was vomiting. After attending to him, the nurse called his father who did not seem the least bit concerned. The nurse was upset but the father assured her. “He doesn’t have a stomach virus. My wife is just a bad cook!” The next one was during a surgery when a resident dumped heads with the surgeon with, “Ah Dr Jones.” And then added while laughing, “A meeting of the minds!” The surgeon mumbled, “Yes. And I felt so alone!” Then there was another doctor who prescribed an inhaler for a patient with a cat allergy. A week later, the patient came back saying he was none the better. It turned out the patient was spraying the inhaler on the cat!
In thinking through these, they took me to Canada, the US, and the entire Caribbean where I worked. It was, as they said:
“Take two jokes and call me in the morning!” Or worse, as happened with a doctor who told his wife, “You’re a terrible cook, you spend too much money, and you’re a lousy lover!” Two weeks later, the doctor came home to find his wife making out with his partner. The doctor was angry and very upset, shouting, “What’s going on here?” The wife explained, “Nothing at all. I’m just getting a second opinion.” Then there was a real “urge.”
A doctor, Harper, in the hospital, was upset that after his wife had surgery there, she lost all interest in sext. A hospital spokesperson replied, “ Harper was admitted for cataract surgery. All she did was correct her eyesight.” And to end, there was one very much like the Caribbean. A doctor had to take an annual physical, including a memory test. Basically, it begins with the nurse giving the doctor three words to remember later in the appointment. The words sounded familiar, so familiar that the doctor asked the nurse, “Aren’t they the same three words you gave me last year?” The nurse said, “Yes. I like to use the same ones so I don’t forget them.”
What we should never forget is that if we are looking for medical comedy, the best “hilarious doctors” are physicians and former medical professionals who use social media to roast the healthcare system. What you will find among the top “big shot Doctors” is that all of them have annual earnings from about USD 1.4 to 87.5 million.
No wonder the “slangs” for doctors range from everyday casual terms to cheeky nicknames. These are the everyday “Doc,” “Medic,” and “Medico”. Then there are “Surgeons” who are “Sawbones” or a “Butcher” and “Psychatrists” are known as “Shrinks.” Then there are “Obstetricians” or “Baby catcher,” and to end, the “Quacks” or “unskilled, fake, or dishonest medical practitioners.”
This is why, I loved the work of Stephen Butler Leacock. He was a Canadian teacher, political scientist, writer and humourist. He was considered to be the best-known English-speaking humourist in the world. Moreover, for all of us, he was the sharpest, most cynical satirist. In fact, he was always blending “biting” with profound irony. His observations on society, politics, and relationships remained surprisingly provocative and darkly hilarious. Just to understand how good Stephen Butler Leacock is, we will start with six of his most shocking and memorable quotes:
On Relationships – “Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.
On Business – “Advertising: the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get money from it.”
On Honesty – “Men are able to trust one another, knowing the exact degree or dishonesty they are entitled to expect.”
On Mortality – “I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.”
On Politics – “American politicians will do anything for money; English politicians take the money and won’t do anything.”
On Progress – “In ancient times, they had no statistics, so they had to fall back on lies.”
For the rest of his life, until he died on 29 March 1944, Stephen Leacock was the best for me and many others. Even afterwards, many of us keep reading his work and, on that basis, here are some for all of you who read, loved, and now know how great Stephen Leacock’s works remain.
Unfortunately, we can’t ever share all, but here are some: “Advertising – A judicious mixture of flattery and threats.” – “He flung himself from the room, flung himself upon his horse and rode madly off in all directions.” – “I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it” – “A sportsman is a man who, every now and then, simply has to go out and kill something.” – “A half truth, like half a brick, is always more forcible as an argument than a whole one. It carries better.” – “It is to be observed that ‘angling’ is the name given to fishing by people who can’t fish,” and to close. “Personally, I would sooner have written Alice in Wonderland than the whole Encyclopedia Britannica.”
*Tony Deyal was last seen reading a Stephan Leacock novel, “There are two things in ordinary conversation which ordinary people dislike – information and wit.”